


Scout's Dishonor

by gay_possum_god



Category: Wooden Overcoats (Podcast)
Genre: AU ish, Bears, Boy Scouts, Fighting, Gen, Girl Scouts, I Want to Go Home, LGBTQ Themes, Summer Camp, Trans Male Character, Trans Rudyard Funn, and they only have one coed scout program in piffling, because girl scouts/boy scouts are technically an american thing, in the second part, there are also a lot of references to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 00:09:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18927322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay_possum_god/pseuds/gay_possum_god
Summary: Rudyard is trans and he got kicked out of both girl scouts and boy scouts.





	Scout's Dishonor

“Antigone! Antigone!”

Antigone cracked her eyes open to find a flashlight in her eyes.

“Augh! Is there not enough cruelty in this world!”

“Antigone!” Ismene stage whispered, “I need help.”

“What is it now?”

“I have to pee.”

Antigone groaned and rolled back over into the depths of her sleeping bag.

“Could you be quiet!” groaned their tentmate, Lindy, groaned.

Antigone didn’t bother to ask Ismene to go with Lindy instead, just crawled out of her sleeping bag miserably, and put on her shoes miserably.

That was the way it was with the Funn twins. They were identical and inseparable since birth, not because they liked each other, but because they disliked everyone else even more. Antigone had an allergy to other children, and other children often seemed allergic to Ismene.

Their parents had enrolled them in Girl Scouts in the hope that they would become friends with many other young girls their own age, but it had not worked. By the third night, Antigone had had allergic reactions to poison oak, bee stings, bug bites, sun screen, campfire smoke and fun. Ismene had accidentally discovered an immunity to poison oak, and subsequently gave everyone who she touched rashes. It probably would have come to blows, if there was anyone left willing to touch her.

That night, though, would prove that everything that had happened up till that point was just the tip of the iceberg.

“Antigone,” Ismene said after about ten minutes of walking, “I don’t recognize this area.”

“What do you mean, you don’t recognize this area? You were leading!”

“What! I thought you were leading.”

“You are holding the flashlight and walking in front of me.”

“Well now see here!” Ismene started, and struggled to think of an adequate follow up. The English language failed her and she eventually gave up.

“Of course this happens to me,” groaned Antigone.

“No fears,” Ismene said, “I can fix this.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I can. I just need to be able to see the stars to align us. I’ll stand on that rock to get a better view.”

Ismene stood up on top of a nearby rock and stared up at the sky, but before she could come to a conclusion as to the direction of the bathroom, the rock started to move.

“Antigone?”

“Yes, Ismene?” Antigone replied already beginning to shake with fear and embarrassment at the thought of having to get help and people finding out she had gotten lost in the woods.

“Did the rock just move?”

“I don’t think that’s a rock, Ismene; I think it’s a—”

At that moment the bear let out a deep snort, and Antigone promptly fainted.

Ismene fell off the bear as it shook it’s coat, and stared at her accusingly.

Ismene ran towards the nearest tent, and the bear followed. Ismene ran around the tent and ducked down hoping the bear wouldn’t be able to see her and give up, but instead it stepped on the tent, squishing the top in and causing the girls inside to scream.

As Ismene continued to run through the camp, followed by a now intrigued and loudly snorting bear, the rest of the camp began to wake up and ask what the commotion was.

“A bear?” asked one girl.

“Ismene?” asked Lindy.

“A bear!” responded another, and havoc rained.

Feeling partially responsible, and partially empowered by being the center of attention for once, Ismene used the most of her street smarts to yell “To the lake! They can’t swim!”

In the mass panic, no one stopped to question her advice, and dozens of pre-teen girls charged the lake. There was screaming and splashing and accusations flying. The bear was long gone by the time the scout leaders had once again achieved peace.

In the end, once thirty seven girls had been fished from the lake (one strangely missing shoes), the tents had been reset up and Antigone had been found in the woods, it was discovered that bears actually can swim.

Despite only Ismene being responsible, both Funn twins were banned from ever returning to girl scouts.

#### Four Years Later

“I’m surprised they let you back in,” Antigone said miserably as Rudyard packed for his first (and only) summer of Boy Scout camp.

“Yes, well they technically only banned me from girl scouts,” Rudyard said as he attempted to latch his luggage against all laws of physics.

“Yes, I suppose. They probably also don’t recognise you.”

Rudyard sighed and reopened his luggage and began removing objects. First he sacrificed his pet rock, then his lucky hat. In the end, he decided that the bear spray was necessary even if it meant that he had to sit on his case to close it.

“Well, guess I’ll be off.”

“Try not to be kicked out this time,” Antigone said as a farewell.

At camp, Rudyard was in a cabin 13 with six other boys. Having gotten there last, he only had two options left for his bunk. He chose the one further from the tent flap, which was a top bunk near the back.

He threw his case up onto his bunk and intended to climb up after it, but life had other plans. Someone had previously removed the slats under the mattress on Rudyard’s bunk, so his case hit the mattress and both of them went crashing down on the inhabitant of the boy bellow.

Immediately there was dead silence.

“He killed Earl!” one boy whispered.

“The new boy killed Earl!” another boy yelled.

“Now see here! I only meant to—” but before Rudyard could finish, he was hit by a flying pillow.

From there all hell broke loose. Within cabin 13 it was a five against one fight, and as other idle campers came by many decided they might as well throw a few punches.

By the time a scout leader found the source of the ruckus and put a stop to it, nearly half the camp had become involved somehow.

“Who started this?” the scoutmaster demanded.

“The new boy killed Earl,” some boy in the back piped up.”

The scoutmaster's eyes landed on Rudyard.

“I assume there is a totally reasonable explanation, Rudy—”

“Rudyard, sir.”

“As I was saying, Rudolf, I am sure you did not actually kill my son. So what did happen?”

Rudyard opened his mouth to explain, but before he could say anything, the bear spray in his case exploded.

The saddest part was that that wasn’t even Rudyard’s record for his fastest time being kicked out of anything. Not that Antigone was counting.

#### Many Years Later

“You know, I was a boy scout once,” said Eric Chapman, perfectly. “In fact, I collected all the badges once, a very long time ago…”

**Author's Note:**

> Rudyard is trans because I'm trans and I like him. Also, if you get the references in the second half I will love you.


End file.
